Joshua's Father

another woman has left my life
she took my boy
while I was riding through deserts and deltas
painting the story with a pen
hidden in my leather
I kept everything on a page back then
I wept at the western sky
hallucinating under still thin clouds
with a man I never thought I'd lose

I found my boy and taught him quickly
early tests and violent evenings
in the room we called a home
I begged my brother for sanctuary
I found a moment I'd hold on to
in these precious years
we were learning each other
and teaching each other
I didn't even see it then
I think maybe he did

another woman left my life
when everything was tying up nicely
when everyone was proud
she walked off the mesa
she dragged me around
and cut the string when the boy finally spoke
we were back out in the cold
we were throwing dice every minute
landed in a box full of roaches
with a lot of literature at the bed side
and I force fed him
everything
the chemical plant had me bleeding
any time I'd open my mouth
but there were basketballs and rayguns
gluing us together
even after midnight
the pipes burst and the room was sour
and our clothing
always musty
but we could laugh
at all six channels
and the sharp young things he'd say

another woman left my life
and I found the wet floor of a bottle
I'd been swimming in for five years
she took my boy with her
and I breathed hard for every inhale
sitting at my window
in a cold and lonely loft
I had an Irish flag outside
to signal him home
but he never came
everything bled back onto paper
everything bled back to the night
and I sat cold and wrong and drunk
my fore head against a window pane
my eyes so closed and tight
my boy was dead last year
and I'd have never known
if I hadn't crossed the railroad tracks
that would wake him every night
when the cars banged past our home
in those early hours
when we had forever
to kick at each other
just to get some rest

I know my boy is out there starving
I know my boy is hard and wise
If he remembers me anymore
if he sees me in his mirrors
maybe I'll have a real moment again
when he finally finds my porch
when he finally calls my name
all the blood I've breathed
all the glass I've put my hands through
will shape into a message
that even I can get back home