Wednesday, November 27, 2013

there is no pain

I am asleep between a man and his dog
I am trying to sleep between a man and his dog 
Everything around me is heavy
The man and his dog
I want to scream
I think about screaming in a house alone
I'm puking a little in my mouth
Everything is heavy
I feel sick
I think about the pain I'm in and the pain I'll wake up to.
I'm in pain. 
I'm tired and can't sleep.
I think of a dream I had years or months ago in the trees 
I think of the pain that doesn't exist in my dreams
I think of how much more real those dreams feel then this 
I wonder if its the same
For you.
For everyone I love.
I think about the trees and the home I created there 
I think it will put me to sleep
But what puts me to sleep here is the typing of these words into my phone 
Which only knows about my dreams because I leave them there maybe someone will find them when I am dead from finally being so very tired of the pain
Maybe I will end up in the trees where I fly between in these dreams and there is no pain.
I think about a house that is empty where I can scream.
I think I'm screaming because of the pain. 
I wish I wasn't in pain.
I am young still not even 30 and maintaining this body is painful and u don't pay it enough attention.... I need to work for it if I want to not be in pain so much but really part of me is just trying not to scream because of the pain the whole time I am not dreaming. Is that a way to live? I don't know. Are you in pain? Does it hurt as much as I do? Or more? Do you want to scream all the time like I do? I want to scream for a really long time until it makes me fall asleep. It doesn't hurt as much when I am asleep. 
Every time you see me I am always screaming inside.