there is no pain

I am asleep between a man and his dog

I am trying to sleep between a man and his dog 

Everything around me is heavy

The man and his dog

I want to scream

I think about screaming in a house alone

I'm puking a little in my mouth

Everything is heavy

I feel sick

I think about the pain I'm in and the pain I'll wake up to.

I'm in pain. 

I'm tired and can't sleep.

I think of a dream I had years or months ago in the trees 

I think of the pain that doesn't exist in my dreams

I think of how much more real those dreams feel then this 

I wonder if its the same

For you.

For everyone I love.

I think about the trees and the home I created there 

I think it will put me to sleep

But what puts me to sleep here is the typing of these words into my phone 

Which only knows about my dreams because I leave them there maybe someone will find them when I am dead from finally being so very tired of the pain

Maybe I will end up in the trees where I fly between in these dreams and there is no pain.

I think about a house that is empty where I can scream.

I think I'm screaming because of the pain. 

I wish I wasn't in pain.

I am young still not even 30 and maintaining this body is painful and u don't pay it enough attention.... I need to work for it if I want to not be in pain so much but really part of me is just trying not to scream because of the pain the whole time I am not dreaming. Is that a way to live? I don't know. Are you in pain? Does it hurt as much as I do? Or more? Do you want to scream all the time like I do? I want to scream for a really long time until it makes me fall asleep. It doesn't hurt as much when I am asleep. 

Every time you see me I am always screaming inside.