Friday, October 27, 2006


I smoke too much and there’s this lingering feeling of unaccomplished talent within myself, if I could just concentrate on one thing I could get that thing done. I write, I play my guitar, im buying art supplies to start painting, I drink, heavily, wait tables, converse too often with lawyers, not enough with new characters, dream of moving away, stare blankly at walls, enjoys brisk autumn air, continue to watch too much television, believe in a life spent outside the norm, continue not working out enough, eat too much, and poorly, envy fictional characters, resent real ones, think about too many girls, and the wrong ones, outgoing and introspective, drug use, meddle, speak my mind, stare at an unused camera, blink instinctively, throw cigarettes butts out the window, eat tuna fish regularly, lay in my bed far too often, waste beautiful days, think of humorous situations from the past, bite my nails, shave every three to five days, don’t comb my hair, drive drunk, drink wine to sleep, stay awake too late every night, need to find it.

My head spins as uncontrollably as my eyes blink. I think to myself im having fun but there are millions of things better I could be doing with all this time I waste, and now at 358 in the morning I get up to write my story of how I think things are going so far.

Believe there’s one better out there for you. One step higher than the one you’ve stepped to.
You can always climb a latter, just getting in the shower is a step in itself.

Grow from here.
Take lessons, write.
Get a second job, get out of debt, you can always get drunk.
Money makes this sad thing turn, you gotta make some or find another way.
Keep throwing out the butts, but, less and less the packs and cellophane.
Introspect your outroflection.
Hand your self the keys, and strike up the pick once a day.
Get those paints and brushes, slowly build an army.
Connect your self with the right people you don’t need.
Throw a penny off the top of a high-rise.
Eat a large meal after you go running at night.
Smoke your cigarettes, leave some wine for a friend.
Go to sleep as your body sees fit.
Don’t explain, incorporate.
Brush your hair if it makes you happy.
You don’t have to worry about driving drunk for a while.
Go to sleep after writing yourself a story you don’t like.
Lob a hand grenade when they hold a machine gun to your head.
Bring yourself to every country state and city you’ve always wanted to see.
Forget calling people friends, just their names.
Don’t think too much about what they say.
Talk to yourself when someone’s listening.
Throw the grenade.
Eat the forbidden apple.
Live where no one wants to.
Embrace pain.

1 comment:

Publisher said...

its good to have those tools around, but you shouldn't force it because you feel like you have to do something.