morning after city binges

April 16th '07


ripped from my lucid dreamings
12pm Monday afternoon and
the sun trapped outside the cold window of this room
not cold as in hard or unpleasant
just frigid
outside the chores are attended to noisily
trying to find my days motivation in weak wavering early rise first thoughts
scattered and contemplative
I say "get up girl and paint the world of what you've seen and how you've felt. Make the money move to the city if you want, where it may be a headmess but at least you'll feel...."

where the strange boy lives and reels you in
constantly with his smile

then I decide to paint without precision
without prescription
paint without eyes that see completely
wear less of an optical illusion
lazy or not...I wonder....

It's still cold
making my sheetmess bednest more attractive than the
floorboards
then I notice
There are no floorboards, only plush green carpet
but it doesn't matter
It's still cold

and I'm completely awake now
and thankful for life's lite annoyances
the little pin pricks that motivate

today
in this sun window shine
I am somewhat bitter
lethargic broke alone
a dive
alone
each time i leave that darling whirlwindy wild cityboy
even after all his pin pricks upon my skin
I find myself
caught deeper in addiction
alone

the mowers stopped
the chores are done
finally
I pull myself up