A Ghost in a Ghost Town

I thought about it again
tonight
that rush of red
pouring over my hands
and I tried
to put pressure on the wound
on that
self inflicted gashed throat

and I fantasized
about not waking up
not waking ever again
and I sighed
in relief
at the dark

but I opened my eyes
and I was still here
even though you
you were still gone

and my stomach still boiled
and my hands still shook
and I gave up right there

I gave up on suicide
on love. on you.